According to multiple surveys and studies, cis queer women who have sex with other cis queer women report higher levels of satisfaction than cis straight women. But, like, why? Ahead, we’ll dive into what queer women are doing differently and how you can apply these tips to your own sex life in any relationship.
Our perceptions of sex are heavily influenced by mainstream media, pornography and the messages we received in our youth. Many cis straight women view penetrative sex as “real sex” and consider other forms of pleasure as foreplay. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, penetrative sex alone doesn’t always end in orgasm for all parties involved. As such, it’s worth taking the time to examine our own definitions of sex and rewrite the script to better fit our bodies and how they experience pleasure. Queer women understand this and often introduce, and center, non-penetrative activities in the bedroom. Sex can be whatever you want it to be; so long as it’s consensual and pleasurable all throughout, have at it.
Queer couples are more likely to reach orgasm because they tend to focus on oral sex more frequently than heterosexual couples, who often rely on penetrative sex despite the fact that many people with vulvas can’t orgasm from penetration alone. One distinct difference found between queer women and straight women is that straight women may not expect to have an orgasm, while queer couples do. Spending more time on other forms of stimulation other than penetration is not only a fun way to explore your partner’s body, but it will also increase the likelihood of orgasm.
Longer sexual duration
Since queer couples focus more on reciprocated pleasure and orgasm, they put the time and effort to make sure it happens for everyone involved. According to a 2014 survey, 822 participants between the ages of 18 and 79 were asked about the duration of their sexual encounters. Results reveal that women who had sex with women had sexual encounters that lasted between 30 to 45 minutes. In comparison, heterosexual couples had sex for an average of 15 to 30 minutes. This isn’t to say that women are more likely to orgasm the longer the sex lasts. What matters is taking the time to listen to your partner’s needs and put in the effort to fulfill them.
A note on queer sex
As a bisexual sex educator who has been with people of different genders, this groundbreaking research resonates deep. My early sexual experiences were mainly with cis men, and I had little to no knowledge about my body’s needs and desires (let alone communicating them!).
While I had experienced orgasm from previous cis male partners, I’d be lying if I said I orgasmed every single time. Yikes, I know. But it wasn’t until my first sexual experience with a woman that I experienced euphoric pleasure and learned it was even possible to orgasm without penetration. All this to say: Regardless of you or your partner’s gender/sexual orientation, it is OK for you to take the necessary steps to ask for what you want and have more positive sexual experiences.